Should have seen it coming JC warned me all along
Through my greed and indiscretion I ignored his country song
I ran on for a long time but I finally met my end
When my lust for life was peaking my reality met my sins
I was riding high on powder pills and many things to drink
I had drown my inner demons so I didn't have to think
My bank accounts had bank accounts and they all were put on hold
As the blood began to leave me and my body turned to cold
The smell of iron held me back as I stumbled for a drink
I finally found my balance as my gore filled up the sink
I looked around uncertain I was dying all alone
Through my lonely desperation I reached out and found my phone
Operator - 911 What is the nature of your emergency ?
"Uh I'm not sure...…………...Uhm I'm Bleeding
Operator - What is your address ?
"572 Sandercock"
Operator - What is your name ?
"Um ma'am this isn't good Um my name is...…...Um Paul"
Operator - Okay Paul help is on the way where are you bleeding from Paul
"...………..Um this isn't good"
Operator - Paul...Stay with me Paul...……..Paul
"Yeah I'm here.....I've got to get some clothes on...……….Um OH SHIT"
Operator - Paul they're on their way stay where you are Paul They will be there any second
The smell of death filled my senses as I slid across the floor
"Fuck I need a drink" I laid staring at the door
I couldn't hear a sound as they crashed in to huddle by my side
"I'm fucking sorry" "I'm fucking so...." I repeated as I slowly lost my pride
They strapped me to a gurney and threw a sheet across my shame
I was nude to all the world as I laid there in no pain
The next thing I remember was his calm and lucid voice
"Paul stay with me now look at me Paul"
As if I really had a choice
Then all at once the sounds came rushing like an unexpected wave
The siren told me firmly I was headed to my grave
When the gurney hit the cement my eyes were filled with crowd
There was one voice running next to me that rang out above the loud
"ICU ICU WE HAVE LOST A LOT OF BLOOD"
"Get me some...…………….."
-Cowboy Beach Bum
Empty...……….I looked around to hear
There was nothing to remember not a calmness nor a fear
I sat there in the darkness trying hard to keep my head
There was nothing in the shadows so I made a makeshift bed
I laid there for sometime and my mind began to question
I held on with no answers as I lost my last possession
CRASH
She came running fast with eyes of coal
She grabbed me by my shoulders and shook my inner soul
Yelling "You can't fucking die on me not on my fucking shift"
As I listened in confusion she beat me with her fist
"Just who the fuck are you and where the fuck are we"
I blasted in the darkness trying frantically to see
She answered indirectly and continued with her pleas
"You are dying and I have to stop this Please Please Please Please Please"
I tried to push her off me But I couldn't make her quit
"You'd better let me go you Bitch I'm tired of this Shit"
Then just as quickly as she came she changed her caring stance
She smiled a smile of evil and her feet began to dance
Her mouth began to widen and the cavern filled with smoke
I felt my being slip away as I tried hard not to choke
I began to feel a heat as she tried to pull me in
I screamed in all directions
PLEASE GOD PLEASE GOD
FORGIVE ME OF MY SINS
I SWEAR GOD IN YOUR NAME IF YOU PULL ME FROM THIS FATE
I WILL GIVE MY LIFE TO DO YOUR WILL 'TIL I'M SAFE BEHIND YOUR GATES
She let go without a whisper and slipped away without a fight
I laid awake again in the darkness past the night
-Cowboy Beach Bum
COMING SOON
COMING SOON
Success is not a dirty word
but it took me to the cleaners
I signed the contract for my soul
to achieve the life of dreamers
My dreams were answered all in full
Just not in technicolor
The darkness of my soul emerged
at the expense of many others
I played in shadows of the law
My bank accounts were filled
I questioned nothing
and knew it all
My morals all were spilled
I found myself with everything
My cup it runneth over
When I awoke my life was stained
I was living the hangover
It'll take some time to clean the mess
and start to see the truth
I'd have to reinvent myself
to separate the wisdom
from the youth
I'll start from scratch
to build myself back up from all the ashes
And take some time to learn to live
Avoiding all the crashes
Success is not a word
I plan to leave behind
but in my search for goodness
I must surely....
Redefine
-Cowboy Beach Bum
Written in response to administration members who attempted to defame my name through falsification of records and attempts to exit me from the program.
Silly Rabbits
Tricks are made for...………….
FUCK YOU
I did not come here to play games
I am here to fill my pockets for when my days begin to rain
You wont know me when I leave here
You didn't know me when I came
Your belief in your significance Is pretty fucking lame
You think you can control me with your names up on the wall
You had better bring your A game when you evoke the name of Paul
Your huddles where you plan your days are amateur at best
I will eat you in your nightmares leaving crumbs upon my chest
I see your thoughts and hear your fears as you cower in your head
You try to flex your powers but your heart already fled
What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive
You try to change my record but the truth shall set me free
Your lucky that your Nichols kept me from dropping all the dimes
You want to be my cellmate before you even know my crimes
I will Nick you on your ego as you pretend to have a fit
If you sneak across my platter I will chew you up and spit
Your Savage beast was neutered by the Bitch that holds his leash
You can Mark my words all who step up are invited to the feast
There will be a child's plate for your Preacher and I'll feed you all by hand
We will pray for all his demons as we sacrifice the Lamb
And when the table's emptied I will show you to the door
We will finish our transaction like a John and twenty dollar whore
Our time together was just a playful little fling
I'm sorry if it hurts and your insides start to sting
Please stop all your begging there is not a need to flirt
Your innocents was taken when you first pulled up your skirt
From this lesson I hope you learn a simple thing or two
Next time bring some lubricant
Some tightly laced up shoes
A turtle neck and a double pair of pants
And the memory of this ravage
Where you did not stand a chance
-Cowboy Beach Bum
Sometimes the only way out is through change
I am learning that everything can be changed
except for the fact that everything will change
So I shed my past like a snake and his skin
The losing stops It's time to win
Today I have outlived my past
This thought is overwhelming
I'm tired of my pitiful
Its almost paralyzing
Its time to start to live a life
I've given up on dying
There is no future in my past
nor truth in all my lying
I have the tools to change it all
Give more, Take less
Stand up
and stop the crying
A superhero surely not
But the villain no longer serves me
My strength is in my fighting back
my power is survival
The wings I've grown out from my back
Are far from a revival
They lift me up beyond my cares
And change my path from dirt to air
I soar now in the joys of life
No longer trudging through despair
My memories are a useful tool
Acceptance is the key
The nightmares hold me to my truth
Past struggles.....................
Set me free
-Cowboy Beach Bum
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